An Aha Moment!!!

i had an Aha! moment last night. i realize that for the past 9 years i have been dating. Since i was 15, i've been someone's girlfriend, close friend or i've wanted to be someone's girlfriend. If i wasn't in a relationship, i was searching for the next one or i was casually dating until the next one came along. And when i wasn't dating, i was longing for someone. Nine years of my life and i spent most of the time chasing guys! i fell to my knees last night and i asked God for forgiveness! All those years i spent chasing guys, i should have been chasing God. i should have been building a foundation with Him! i was so blinded! Trying to be the person the world said i should be! i'm tired now! The Spirit has led me to this place. i need to rest a while. i need to just take this time to strengthen my relationship with God. No dating! No boyfriend! Just me and Him! That's all i need right now! my focus is on putting God first in my life! and when He's ready,He'll send that special person to me and i'll be ready for a relationship. It's God's time!
Besides, with classes and the book and all the other things i need to be doing, when will i have time for a reationship?
As for the lover-turned- friend situation, we're friends and he understands what i'm trying to do and he's supportive. He's always been a good friend and i'm grateful for that! :-)

Can Old Lovers be Just Friends?

Hey! It's me again. I've been busy researching for my book. It's so many angles to take that i don't know which one to go. Pray that I open my eyes and my heart to what God wants me to write.
The research for my book has also been teaching me a lot of things about myself. I've been dating the same guy off and on for the past three years. We've had some ups and downs and he's been very supportive of me since I decided to give my heart to Christ. I still have major feelings for him, but he's not saved. He's seeking, but he's just hasn't taken that one leap of faith. So, after a lot of soul searching and talking (to God and him), we decided to be friends. He asked me to go out with him next weekend and i said i didn't know if we should because its too soonand i still love him. i prayed about it and discussed it with friends. Some of them were helpful. Others gave superficial advice. Then i decided to go because after all we've been through together( and we've been to hell and back- literally life and death) i do value him as a best friend. And maybe i can lead by example. But my question to you all is: CAN OLD LOVERS BE FRIENDS?
All comments are welcome, but i would prefer Christian perspectives.

What did i learn about myself while researching for my book? That i wrestle with God for control and i struggle everyday to submit my ways to His will. Any advice.

Let the Writing Begin!

Hi, everyone! Let me tell you, i am so excited about this book i'm writing! My mind is all a buzz with so many things and today, i started writing questions and ideas for my research! i told my mom(she's a pastor) about my idea and she gave me a lot of insight from a wife and minister's point of view. Then we went to the bookstore to "survey" books geared towards single Christians. The selection was very small and we only found one book that did not discuss finding a mate! It was very frustrating but it gave me the motivation that i needed to write this book. But let me be clear about one thing, I am not anti-man or anti-marriage! i want both(God willing)! i just believe that right now the Holy Spirit is leading me to focus on my singleness, which means cultivating my marriage to Christ(Isaiah 54:5), so that when i do get married, i will have the mindset to continually keep God first in my life. i think it will also be a great way to make sure that our foundation in Christ is strong enough so that He will always be first in whatever stage of life we are in. Pray for my strength in God to remain steadfast and focused in this endeavor.

Restoration Has Come!

Worked out a plan with my mom about paying for school. Praise God! For a little while now, I've been praying and seeking God about an idea for the book the Holy Spirit has placed on my heart to write. Yesterday, it finally came together. I plan to write a book about being a Proverbs 31 woman for our Father while we are still single women. Pray for me. Pray that I will only write what the Holy Spirit leads me to and that it will be a blessing and help others prosper in their faith. I decided to write this book because i get so frustrated with the material that's out there for single Christians, especially women. Most (but not all) materials that i have read seem so geared towards finding a mate. Don't get me wrong, i want to be married and have a family someday. But, in the meantime, I just want to focus on becoming the woman that God wants me to be. That way when He's ready to join me to my right man, I will have accomplished what He wanted from me as a single woman in Christ! i believe that if we focus on and continue in seeking God while we are single and we have the time to focus and cultivate a closer walk with God, we will be more equipped for the challenges of marriage and parenthood. I've been saved since I was 10, but I didn't truly decide to fully submit my life to God until the beginning of this year. I mean literally New Year's weekend! thereare a lot of people out there who are saved, but they still don't have that personal, committed relationship with God. And they are desperately seeking other ways to fulfill the emptiness. i was one of those people. And those are the people that i plan to reach with my books and ministries. I believe God has chosen me as an instrument for restoration. Restoration in our families,churches, communities. But especially in teaching people that Christ has already paid the price for all people to be reconciled with our Father, if we only believe.

Let's Teach Dependence on GOD

Earlier i read a blog that really caught my attention. The blog author asked the question what are we teaching our daughters. The author then went on to say that we should teach our daughters to be wives and mothers instead of focusing on a career. i slightly disagree with this opinion. The apostle Paul talks about the gift of singleness in his epistle to the church at Corinth. He even speaks of his own life as a single man, dedicating his life to the work of preaching the Gospel, comparing himself to Peter. Everyone will not get married and have children. As a Christian young woman, i want to be a wife and a mother,and when the time comes, my family will be a top priority. However, i also know that i have been chosen by the Holy Spirit to do a marvelous work for the Lord. I believe it is the job of the parents to teach their children about God, His word, Son, and Spirit. The home and church is the foundation of Christian principles. However, I believe that all children should learn to depend on God, not man. If we teach our daughters to only be successful wives and mothers, what will they do if, God forbid, their husbands die, lose their job, or become disabled? I think we need to study the Proverbs 31 woman more closely. Especially verses 16. The virtuous wife was also a businesswoman and yet her husband was well respected (v.23) and he was still the head of their household. Yes, we need to teach our daughters to be godly wives and mothers, but let us not remember that they are individuals and they deserve to have their own identities ( and careers). i commend both the housewives and the working moms (and all true dads). I'm 23 and I've given my parents some headaches i'm sure, but I thank God for His saving Grace.

Make Me wanna Holla!

I guess i feel the need to rant, vent! i just received a letter in the mail saying my appeal for financial aid for school has been denied. Now, what am i suppose to do? pray and don't worry.That sounds good, but in the meantime, classes start in a few weeks and i don't have a dime to pay for school! But Jehovah Jireh, He will provide! Glory be to God! This is a lesson to all of you who are going to college this fall. Keep your focus and go to class! i know u think college is all about independence and parties, but the most important thing is getting an education and making the most of the opportunity at hand. I didn't the first go 'round. I won't say i have any regrets. I do wish i'd made better choices. but we live to learn and if i had not gone through the fire, i would have not gave my life to Christ. To every season there is a reason. Tests and trials will come, but if you take those tests and trials and learn from them they will strengthen u in the lord. I'm thinking about writing a book. Got a lot of ideas. Just need to be still and put my thoughts into motion. I also want to start a counseling ministry in my community. I am so tired of watching people suffer from addictions and broken homes. I'm tired of going to funerals and watching guys i grew up with shoot and kill each other.Our town seems as if its Sodom and Gommorah and its so very small. But not even the so-called church folk are stepping up to do anything! It's crazy cause everybody knows everybody!

In the Wilderness (Poem)

I wrote this poem in May. Finally I have the opportunity to share it with others!

In the wilderness...

i longed for water to quench my undying thirst

sweat and tears become one on my face

my hands hurt from pulling up weeds with no success

My feet are swollen with calluses as I walked in hot, barren lands

the sun beats on the skin of my hunched over back

broken and beaten from the weight of unnecessary bags

i used rebellion as my strength

and independence was my guide

my heart, heavy with foolish pride

but i was not free

i was a slave bound and tied to captivity

i searched the desert sands,

the highest trees of the forest

and the humid swamp lands for my liberty

i tasted bitter wines

i ate of forbidden fruit

i substituted powdered milk cuz i had no cow

i made molasses do cuz i had no honey

my bread had no butter

how could i believe i was livin good?

my heart like the gutter

my soul, the hood

there were days of joy

some happiness and some bliss

i'd forgotten that true salvation came long ago

with a betrayer and his forthcoming kiss

Deceived by the ignorance of a worldly mind

i was not free

i was a bondwoman bound and tied

dying in captivity!

Suddenly the sun approached its position for high noon

the wind blew as hard as it could

i stumbled, studied and fell at the feet of

the Truth

He gave me water for my parched throat!

He bandaged my bruises and wounds!

He straightened my crooked back!

He opened my blinded eyes!

then He took me in His arms andHe breathed

the breath of life in me!

He spoke these gentle words so sweet

"Knock the dust from your clothes

Remove the shackles from your weary feet

Open your lips, sing praises

My dear child, you are free"

The grass was green!

The sky was blue!

The sun no longer hurt my eyes!

My clothes were brand new!

Out of the wilderness i crawled

into the Promised Land of I Am!

He is my all in all!

I will hasten to His call!

His grace found me

His Son saved me!

His love embraced me!

i am a slave no more!

I am no bondwoman

i am free!

No longer bound and tied by the world

No longer in captivity

No longer in the wilderness!

Whom the Son sets free

is truly free indeed!

i am so excited about this! I am an aspiring journalist and publisher. I think this is a great way to get my ideas and thoughts out to the masses!Sort of like my own little venture into the publishing world. If there's anyone out there with some tips, please feel free to post them!